Sunday, August 03, 2008

Worst... John Connor... Ever

I just wanted to take a second to address all the people who have been pestering me about why I haven’t been posting here recently. Of course, by “all the people” I am simply referring to Joel, who seems to be the only person who still doesn’t understand just what a lazy sack I am, and actually gets confused when I don’t post something here for more than two months. Setting aside for a moment the more general lazy-sack issue, the current dearth of posts here can be attributed to 3 things in my life right now. These are listed here in order of importance:

1) I have been very busy leading the human resistance against the totalitarian forces of the Combine. Often times I will wake up and think that I should do some blogging, but then I remember the giant tripod strider thingees that are running willy nilly through the streets, gunning down my friends like it’s going out of style. When I’m not around to be taking care of business, nothing seems to get done. Those tripods don’t just blow themselves up. So given a choice between giving Joel something to read about, and leading the human resistance against the transhuman forces of the Combine, Joel tends to lose out. Sorry Joel.

In all actuality I had planned on being done with this whole totalitarian alien invasion thing a long time ago but due to my pretty lame human uprising skills, it’s taking me a lot longer than I thought. As it turns out, one of the most important things that I've learned from playing Half Life 2 on my computer is that I am an amazingly slow and inefficient savior of mankind. To the Tome-of-Things-that-I-Always-Just-Assumed-That-I-Would-be-really-Good-at-even-Though-in-all-Actuallity-I-Turned-out-to-be-Really-Pretty-Crappy, I will now pencil in “leading a human uprising against totalitarian forces from another dimension.” Live and learn.

2) Also monopolizing time that would otherwise be spent putting things up here, is family business in Florida. I’ve learned that if I answer “family stuff” to most questions of why I have not done X, I can usually get off without going into details. So in the number 2 slot here I’m just going to cry family stuff.

3) And the final reason that I haven’t put anything up here on the blog is that I have been way too busy writing things to put up here on the blog. I know this might not make an amazing amount of sense to you, but it does to me. I have been working on a writing project that I hope to post here, but when I do put it up I want to be able to post regularly.

What that means is that I’m not going to put any of it up until I have it all pretty much finished. I still have about 50,000 or so words left to write, so it may be a while before it ever sees the light of day. I read that Michael Chabon tries to write 1,500 words a day. So if this was Michael Chabon’s blog you could hope to see new material in (50,000 words / 1,500 a day) less than 2 months. Personally, I tend to bang out somewhat fewer than 1,500 words a day. On average, without fail I try to get at least 7 to 13 words done every single day (excluding holidays, weekends, the first week of the month, and every other Thursday).

Luckily, what my words lack in quantity they more than make up in quality. I like to think that each of my words is roughly 147 times as good as each of the words a quantity whore like Chabon would write. Unfortunately though what this means is that it may take me a little more than the 2 months that it would take a hack like Chabon to finish this project. At my current writing rate, the math works out to something like 128.2 months before I get all the words I want. In the meantime though, I will try to get a short update post here or there just to let people know I still exist.

So to sum up, the bad news is that regular postings won’t come back for a little while. On the flip side though, the good news is that if you actually like reading the stuff here and wish that you could somehow read exciting new posts every single week, then 2018 is going to ROCK!


themaroon said...

That reminds me of a story about Joyce.

A friend of his walked into his writing room one evening and asked, on seeing Joyce with his head in hands,
“What’s happened, James, is it the writing?” Joyce nodded,
“Isn’t it always the writing?” he replied, without looking up,
“Why, what’s happened, James?” his friend asked,
“I’ve only written seven words today,”
“Seven!” said his friend, “But that’s good for you, James,”
“Yes, but I still don’t know what order they go in,” he answered.

You're not lazy, you're brilliant.

Mike May said...

Thank you, that does make me feel better. It sounds to me like this Joyce chick writes as crappy as I do. I bet her blog sucks.

Anonymous said...

Even after all these years, you and your wacky words can make me pee my pants giggling.

That's pretty damn strong, sir. Pretty damn strong.

Looking forward to 2018.

Anonymous said...

Well Sir, then I guess I am just going to have to wait patiently with the others

Joel (God, how I love to see my name in print)

Anonymous said...

I apologize for pressing you to write more often. Certainly, however, we have all paid the price for my insolence. Please forgive me for applying to much pressure to your lazy sack of .....personna. Write something, Damn it.


Anonymous said...

And don't just correct my spelling of the word too

Anonymous said...

OK. It's starting to get silly now. Take 5 minutes out of your obviously hectic day and throw us a bone. Please.


Anonymous said...

Mike: Seems like I am the only person who wants to see your posts. Good news: My wife is pregant and the baby has sent a message requesting a post. Do you want that both of us are unhappy and unfullfilled?


number12 said...

I warned you.