Thursday, May 28, 2009

Things I've Found After Spring Cleaning for the First Time in Over a Decade: a Mysterious Past

I’m not quite sure what the most confusing part of this find is? First of all, I don’t understand this patch for the “magical stages of puppetry”. Maybe I’m reading this one wrong, but if you make a statement that some stages of puppetry are magical then it would seem to me you’re implying that there exist other stages of puppetry that aren’t magical. Obviously that’s bullshit since everyone knows that ALL the stages of puppetry are magical. So this patch makes no sense to me. And what the hell is an “OMSI Almost Overnight”? It just sounds a little ominous. Do a bunch of Girl Scouts have a slumber party where they get all comfy and doze off in their flannel pajamas only to have one of the parents burst in at 4 in the morning with a water hose? “SCRAM!!”

It was so close to being an overnight…

Or is the really confusing part of this spring cleaning find just why on Earth I might possibly have a couple dozen pins and patches from the Columbia River Girl Scout Council, Portland OR. 1987? I don’t recall doing things with girl scouts or ever being in Portland for that matter. I can only think of 3 really logical explanations for why such things might be in my possession:

1) It might not be actual real Girl Scout merchandise. They could instead be sardonic patches commemorating black op missions that I took part in but that were just so vile that I have simply blocked them out.

Or 2) Maybe I have the opposite of a Mr. Hyde-like alter ego. Maybe I black out and instead of becoming a Mr. Hyde I become a kind of Miss Heidi, someone who likes to hang out with other girls between the ages of 5 and 17 in an accepting and nurturing environment where they can learn to appreciate their own potential and self worth as well as develop skills for success in the real world.

Or 3) Maybe I just found a bunch of the things in another bag that no one wanted to claim after moving out of an old apartment. And maybe I just don’t throw things out no matter how utterly irrelevant to my life they might be. Maybe I’ve got problems. Maybe.


Dan said...


I am sorry that it has taken me this long to read this latest post. I can only imagine the agony that you have been suffering over the last 6 months trying to decipher the meanings of these mysterious artifacts. I can only offer you one tiny piece of help. It can't be a coincidence that OMSI is the Oregon Museum for Science and Industry, in Portland OR. Somehow that patch must be releated to the girl scout buttons. How, I don't know, I'm not good at this sort of thing. I couldn't even figure out what night "Lost" was on TV, much less make sense of those twisted sub-plots. I can only offer you my best wishes and the hope that you will find the strength to put this obsession aside be able to live a normal, happy life.


Dan Chevrie

Mike May said...

Thank you for the concern Dan.

Thursdays, Lost is on Thursdays. (Though I think they might be moving it for the last season, so you might be really screwed.)

Also I thought I should let you know that I've heard whispers of a possible Diamond Club reunion. If it get to be anything beyond whispers I'll post something here about it. Take care.

Anonymous said...


My name is Lina Wang. I've just visited your blog & I was wondering if you'd be interested in exchanging links with my blog, and Anchor text : Poker Software

I hope you have a nice day and thank you very much in advance for your time and your help.

Best regards,
Lina Wang